


Conflict Resolution

by Fictropes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Humor, M/M, OH and just very very very very very confident phil, Or an Attempt at Humor, Plant lover Phil, Strangers to Lovers, just a whole load of silly!, lawyer dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:28:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26652199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictropes/pseuds/Fictropes
Summary: Following recent events we’ve decided it best we take a combative approach to your current workplace issues, we have booked you into a conflict resolution class this Thursday afternoon - we will not be paying you to attend.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 31
Kudos: 109





	Conflict Resolution

_To:_ [ _DanielH@smithsons.co.uk_ ](mailto:DanielH@smithsons.co.uk)

_From:_ [ _HRsam@smithsons.co.uk_ ](mailto:HRsam@smithsons.co.uk)

_Dear Mr Howell,_

_Following recent events we’ve decided it best we take a head-on approach to your current workplace issues, we have booked you into a conflict resolution class this Thursday afternoon - we will not be paying you to attend._

_We strongly advise you to attend this session to avoid further actions. Your attendance will wipe away the needed for a recorded conversation, which as you know can lead to termination. We would hate to see you leave our firm, you’re an excellent addition to the team._

_Find address attached._

_Sam_

_HR Smith & Sons_

-

It’s bullshit - complete bullshit - but Dan has bills to pay, and that’s how he finds himself sat in a school hall for an unpaid afternoon of listening to pretend arguing.

“Welcome everyone, and congratulations on taking the first step-“ Dan zones out immediately, eyes glancing over the people in the circle. God, it feels like they’re all going to have to get up soon and take it it turns to shake some maracas, or hold the edge of a rainbow parachute. It’s far too much like school again, even down to that rank smell that lingers in every primary school lunch hall. 

“-now turn to the person next to you.” Of fucking course, not only is the entire concept of today hell on earth but, now it comes with the extra added stick of fire jammed directly up your arsehole that is teamwork. 

“Hi!” _Oh._ Maybe fire in the arse isn’t too bad after all. “I’m Phil.” 

Dan has no idea what this Phil is doing here, how he has any sort of conflict with anyone. He’s known him for about three seconds and already Dan thinks he should be the first point of contact for the aliens; the least likely man to start a war. 

Oh, right, talking exists. Phil is looking at him all expectant, all bright eyed and looking genuinely happy to be sat here. Maybe he’s a weirdo, underneath all the pretty that is his face.“Dan. I’m Dan.”

  
  
“Hi!” Phil repeats, “What’re you here for?” 

“Er-“ Dan starts, stops, starts, stops-

“Should I put a pound coin in you? Are you like one of those kid rides, need money to go.” Phil asks, and it’s innocent sounding but the absolute cheek on his face says otherwise. “Should I put it in your ear, mouth.. other?”

  
  
“No!” He nearly says i’ve already got sticks of fire up _other_ places, but then that would make him the weirdo. “Just trying to think how to phrase it in a way that doesn’t sound.. conflict-y.”

  
  
“You think about that, Daniel. I’ll start.” Phil clears his throat,Dan’s too shell-shocked to interrupt and weirdly turned on after being called by his full name. “I love plants, I think lots of people do. So, I have all this ivy growing up my fence, right?”

  
  
“Right? I don’t know, do you?”

  
  
“Yes! I do. Anyway, it’s all pretty and green and I love her. Get a new neighbour, does not love plants. Literally has a vendetta against them, maybe plants strangled her to death in her past life.” Phil explains and Dan just nods, because honestly what else is there to do?

  
  
“And she has a go at me about this ivy, like excuse me, Susan, it was here before you? And this is my half of the fence. She doesn’t care, though, tells me I have to cut it all down or she’ll call the council on me! So i’m here to try and convince her that ivy is actually great.” Phil finishes, then he looks at Dan and Dan realises it’s his turn to speak again, but in the last five minutes he’s honestly forgotten how to form words. 

“Ivy is great.” Dan finally gets out, and Phil’s face lights up enough to power a small town. 

“I know! Thankyou. Did you remember why you’re here yet?” Phil nudges the toe of Dan’s shoe with his own, and it’s honestly so oddly intimate that Dan wonders if he’s actually just been proposed to. 

“Er- yeah.” Dan takes a deep breath, needs to get this all out in one before his singular braincell decides to focus back on _Phil Pretty._ “I work for this law firm, and the dad is my boss but the son is my coworker. The son is complete fucking idiot, though, honest to god I’ve never met anyone like him. He put a sandwich is the photocopier the other day, just to see what happened. What happened was it obviously fucking squished it and we had butter on our documents for days! And he’s the apple of his dads eye so i’m the one who’s stuck here and—“ 

Dan goes on for another five minutes, listing the ideal partner for a morosexual. He’s fully prepared to go on for another five, then he realises he’s ranting and raving at a complete stranger and said stranger might think him a bit of a freak. He looks up fully expecting this face of awkward alarm, but all he’s getting is this soft little combination of a smile and smirk. 

“What?” He asks, feeling very tiny under Phil’s gaze. 

“Nothing. Just the angrier you got the more rosy that cheek on your patch became. It’s cute.” Phil says, like that’s just a completely fine thing to say to a gay man with with a weak heart and the tendency to romanticise everything. 

“What?” He asks again, like a record stuck on repeat. 

“I said it’s cute!” Phil grins, a bigger smile this time with a little bit of a tongue and a lot of making Dan want to cry. 

“O-oh. Ok. Thanks?” Dan murmurs, staring down at the weird wood tiles of the floor like they’re suddenly the most interesting things in the world. 

“Mhm. We’re supposed to be discussing the five steps to conflict resolution.” Phil must’ve actually been listening, Dan looks up at him like he has all the answers to every question in the world.

“Oh, right, what are the five stages?” Probably something to do with not calling your colleague a himbo.

“Dunno.” Phil shrugs, “too busy looking at you to pay attention.” It’s then Dan notices the little pride flag attached to Phil’s collar, the same flag Dan has attached to the strap of his backpack.

“Are you..?” Dan starts, once against short circuits when Phil looks at him - properly looks at him. 

“Do you want to slide your resolutions into my conflicts?”

  
  
“What? Literally what the fuck?”

  
  
“I don’t know!” Phil whines, and of course he’s all adorable on top ofdevastatingly handsome - he can probably juggle with his feet whilst doing a handstand, too. “I think i’m asking you to slide into my dms.”

  
  
“You’re an idiot.”

  
  
“But?”

  
  
“Ugh, just take my phone.”

-

_0761936801: Wanna fight over dinner? And then resolve it using the five stages?_

_  
  
Dan: What are the five stages again?_

  
  
Phil: step 1: oh no .. he has dimples.

_Phil: step 2: oh.. please let the flag be because he’s gay_

_Phil: step 3: long legs long legs long legs_

_Phil: step 4: Oh.. that voice, fuck and shit_

_Phil: step 5: trick him into thinking you’re suave_

_Dan: I wasn’t tricked, I think you’re a massive dork._

_Phil: :(_

_Dan: We can not fight over dinner, but we can have dinner. I’m not one for the whole screaming matches in public, fight back at my place?_

_Phil: ok fighting at your place it is ;)_

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr!](https://fictropes.tumblr.com/post/630270651832451072/conflict-resolution)
> 
> people who went to a british primary school PLEAAAAASE tell me you know the smell i'm talking about.
> 
> heheh this was fun tho, i love Bold Phil. 
> 
> as always, let me know your thoughts<3 comments make me v happy 4 i love... peer validation, peer approval.


End file.
